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Homepage Slider Life & Loves Ramblings — 18 December 2012

Cooking the turkey has become something of a work of art. From leaving it in a bucket to having it stuffed with other feathered-friends. Here’s my take on the festive season…

The Bird

Every year I fall into the same trap. What trap? The ones set by the likes of Jamie, Nigella, Nigel and a few French blokes… Food shows are everywhere at the moment with all of them promising to serve up the ‘tastiest Christmas’. Even though they’re supposed to help I find they just create more work and get my feathers in a fuddle. Truth be told it’s the type of flap that can only be dealt with by mince pies, booze…. and elasticized waists…

Use a hair dryer to dry off the goose

Picture thanks to: Creolis @

A few years ago I decided to ditch the turkey and opt for goose, yes goose. ‘Oooh, hark at her’ I hear you cry but I was being pretty dull really because that was the same year that Hugh F’ing Whittingstall was trying to convince us not one not two but 10, yes 10 birds should be stuffed one inside the other like a meaty version of a Russian Doll to have a good time.

The humble goose seemed like a pretty simple choice, or so I thought. That was until Christmas Eve when I found myself not in front of a roaring fireplace with a large glass of red in hand but instead in the kitchen with a hair dryer. Yes, you read that right. A hair dryer.

Before you curl your nose at the thought of me doing my barnet in the kitchen allow me to reassure you that the blow dry was not for me. As per instructions (thanks ever so Nigella) the goose was actually finishing off its tour of duty with a new look. It had already camped out in the shed, chillaxed in the kitchen and was now having the finishing touches to its look a la Vidal Sassoon with my dryer in one hand (and my chin in the other).

Come Christmas Eve the Colonel’s bucket was more tempting than the gander. Come Christmas Day so familiar was I with ‘the bird’ that I felt guilty cooking the darn thing. By the time it came to eating it I was thoroughly put off and could only watch hurt and offended as others demolished it without a care or thought for ‘the special time’ Gordon The Goose and I had spent together.

Of course, I didn’t hold back when it came to revealing the gargantuan efforts Gordy and I had gone to. ‘I used the hairdryer’ I said proudly to which the guests nodded open-mouthed, looking down at their forks with a new appreciation for the meat.

This year let me assure you I’m refusing to do any Michellisima or River Terrace this year. Instead I’ll vigorously stuff the turkey and shove it in the oven without a second glance – the door slamming satisfactorily behind it. I will be very farmer’s wife about it all – wiping my greasy hands down my pinny and knocking back a sherry or two throughout. My cheeks will be rosy, my kitchen merry and when it comes to eating I’ll be tucking in with the best of them – old-school stylee. Or that’s the plan at least…


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(2) Readers Comments

  1. Hmm see I\’m not even brave enough to do Turkey lol. We have chicken, beef, lamb, and pigs in blankets.

    • That’s quite a lot you’re cooking up there! Enjoy x

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