page contents The Bikini Diaires # 4 – quiche is not for the seasick | mummy rates it

Lucky us. For the last two weeks we have been sailing around the Greek Islands. We’ve been to Samos, Agathanisi and Arki. Each place we go to is prettier than the one before. The waters are clearer, the fish more abundant and the Rose, or rather Pose as they call it (see I can pick up the essential lingo pretty easily) still as tangy but nothing that half a litre of Sprite won’t sort out.

We are sailing, The Bikini Diaries,
Sailing is a beautiful recreation. It’s even better when your husband is so keen you don’t have to lift a finger! On board us crew have seen Dolphins and phosphorescence (when you flush the loo at night it goes all glittery and disco in the pan) and met some gorgeously generous and friendly locals. I’ve even been given some physiotherapy (for the dodgy shoulder/neck injury that I picked up doing my pool workout) by a fellow sailor.

However, as lovely as the sailing has been I’ve yet to master the balance that enables me to remain upright whilst the boat bobs up and down. Have you ever tried to make and cook a quiche as a boat ploughs through 1 metre high waves? Well, I can tell you it’s a challenge.

For one thing you spend a lot of time aiming to be on one side of the galley but end up on the other. And as for pouring the egg mixture into your blind-baked pastry case without removing a layer of skin, thanks to the flimsiness of an inadequate Turkish tea-towel? Forget it.
Michelle hannell Bikini Diairies
The final insult comes when you try to serve up your erm, delicacy to your boat load. After a couple of attempts to land the food on the table you soon realise that most of them, yourself included, are off food and that a quiche is possibly the worse ever food to serve up if feeling decidedly green.

Finally you see land ahoy and flap around looking like you know what you’re doing. You’d think that throwing a rope to a person on shore should be a relatively easy task, wouldn’t you? So far I’ve managed to throw it straight in the water or have thrown it with such gusto that I’ve nearly gone with it. Not content with that I’ve also whipped some poor unsuspecting old Greek man round the chops. No doubt he went home to his wife to be nursed for rope burn, muttering about never helping out the yachties again.
MORE: The Bikini Diairies # 3
Bikini Diaries # 1
Bikini Diaries # 2

Safely tied up, I know that’s not the correct term, the next obstacle is actually getting off the darn boat. The easy option is the passarelle or gang plank me hearties – fine if it’s flat but if it’s at an angle you need strength and balance to stop you going in the big drink.

If, however, you’re ‘alongside’ (that means next to a wall or another boat to you and me) you have to straddle your legs over the side of the boat whilst a café full of Mythos swillers watch to see if they can see your pants. Not wanting to let them down I do the pants but throw in a good bit of cleavage to boot. I can be generous too you see.

Now as for the actual bikini wearing, well, I’m now just down to the Curvy Kate Rio. It’s holding up very well. As we’re on little islands, which seem to accommodate rather a lot of sea urchins, I’ve taken to bikini wearing with sea shoes. This has the effect of shortening the leg. It is not a look I would recommend to my worst enemy but that said I’ve not had to be rushed off in an ambulance suffering from an anaphylactic shock so it’s a fair price to pay.

I have also been seen in a Kayak. I have to say I look very sporty indeed until we come to ‘beaching’. Just like getting of a yacht there is no dignified way to do it. Legs akimbo, a trip in a rock pool and hey splat – you’re beached too. The local kids seem to find great pleasure in such a show – just a shame that the doddery, bikini clad, mum tum Brit is also a bit clumsy on shore and just happens to walk straight through their sandcastles, isn’t it?…


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(2) Readers Comments

  1. It all sounds wonderful and haven’t been able to help thinking of you while it’s been raining here. Shame about their sandcastles! ;)

    • Oh dear, sorry to hear about the rain – that’s a bummer. I expect it’s going to be really lovely in September (it usually is). However, just in case, I’ll be packing up the sun in my suitcase and bringing it back for you next week. xx

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